The Personal Restructuring of My Life

It’s time that I conduct a “corporate” restructure. . . A personal reinvention, if you will. So, here are some changes that are to begin immediately.

  1. Put maximum effort into my writing endeavors.
    • Writing has always been a hobby for me. Until recently, I treated it as such. I’d scribble some poetry, dab some ink onto paper from time to time, and even independently publish a book here and there. It’s time to shift this from hobby to occupation.
    • I recently adjusted my degree path in order to hone my skills. I love economics and politics, but those are my hobbies. . . writing is my passion. So, I am treating it as such.
    • Writing is going to be my side hustle until I make the conscious decision to retire from military service and make it my main occupation. So, when I’m not Soldiering, I’ll be writing. When I have moments of relative peace during the duty day, I’ll be writing. If I have a spare moment, I’ll be writing.
    • I’m over 17 years time in service; whether I go for another 3, 6, or 13, it is safe to say that I am on the back end of my time in the military and should start focusing on what I can do to sustain life and income on the back end.
  2. Less Social Media and TV time.
    • The time spent on instant gratification and a mind-numbing wastes must come to a close. Instagram likes do little to advance me as a human, or my bank account. It fulfills a gaping hole that comes with a lack of self-esteem, but I’d prefer people like my work than like my bullshit. If I’m going to have groupies, let them be intellectual groupies, not people there to blow smoke up my ass and tell me how handsome I am. I would probably argue with them anyway, but the “instant gratification” of knowing that someone finds me physically appealing leads me to keep putting things up. Why should I care
      • I’m 100% certain that I’ll relapse on this one, because there are endorphins released when people like your stuff. Instagram is the new cocaine. How many hours have we all spent staring at the likes and reading people’s flattering comments? Aren’t we all special? Aren’t we all high as fuck right now?
    • Most of my posts, the ones that matter anyway, tend to be pretty lengthy. Most of my replies tend to require me to research. So, why waste so much energy on a post when I’m already putting in the work on what could be an essay? How much time do we all spend replying to posts and then finding the research to back our arguments in order to ensure that we aren’t just regurgitating the rhetoric we see on our reading/viewing sources of choice? Is that just me? Even so. . . how much time? For me: I wasted one hour today responding to posts regarding kneeling during the anthem. One hour. Why is that wasted time instead of it being considered an opportunity to hopefully open someone else’s eyes to something? Because at the end of the day, social media gets used as a tool for distributed hatred and propaganda regurgitation. If someone is not going to listen to you because they already have their opinions deeply rooted in their minds, why waste the time on social media responses? Why not do the research, write the essay, CITE IT, publish it, and then move on to the next thing? Today I wasted one hour when I could have done that, focused more on my children, read, wrote, or any number of more productive things.
    • Television- yet another foe. The balance between art form and wasted time is blurry. I love sports. I love football; specifically, I love watching LSU and the Saints. I sit for hours analyzing the footage, the game, the replays, the commentary. For what? There are some aspects that I won’t give up. LSU will continue to be an indulgence. It’s also a mode of connection that I have with distant family members, and that is worth more than anything and does not equate to “wasted time” for me. But couldn’t I also be feeding into my side hustle by contributing to my thoughts and analysis onto some forum? I may not be athletic from a football sense, but my the accepted analysis by people who have played and know the game leads me to believe that I may have SOMETHING to contribute in that arena. Let’s look at baseball, though. I love baseball; I especially love the Braves. Do I waste 5 hours for 162 days each year zoning out of the world and watching? Hell no! I follow. I listen. With baseball being baseball, unless I’m physically sitting there in a stadium, on those occasions that I do watch, I am generally doing something else while watching. Why not do that with football?
      • More to follow on this one. Side hustle within the side hustle? Perhaps.
  3. Read more!
    • If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time to hone the skills to write. I generally listen to audiobooks when I’m driving, unless the kids are in the car. . . or on those occasions where I have a vibe that only music can tap into. Those moments are rare when I’m alone, though. I’ll listen to music while writing or working. There’s nothing comparable to sitting down with a book in hand, though. This is what I need to do more of: analyze sentence structures, literary devices, voice, dialogue, tone, setting. Audio books fill a gap where physical reading won’t do, but physical reading cannot be replaced when there are skills that need to be honed and methods to be tapped into.
  4. Prioritize those who prioritize me; make those who treat me as secondary, secondary in my life.
    • There’s no worse feeling than being on someone’s backburner. I’ve been there far too often in my life. What’s worse, I’ve been the culprit far too often in my life. I don’t necessarily take it as a personal slight, though, and I’d like to think that others don’t take it as one from me. You’re either with me, or you’re not. You’re on my wavelength or you’re not. We aren’t all meant to be best friends with everyone. I can’t remember any great person being considering a “best friend” to all. There’s just not enough room in everyone’s day to make everyone #1. If I treat you as a priority, it’s because you’re special to me. If it’s not reciprocated, I understand, but who puts forth effort into human interactions that aren’t equal? No human is a dog. You may be able to pat a dog on the head every now and then, give it a treat, and expect it to be at your heel every second of every day; but humans are not built that way, nor should they be. We all desire to be valued, and reciprocated valuation is typically a driving force between future interaction.
  5. Structure my day! It’s time to subset life into a battle rhythm.
    • The military lives and dies by “Battle Rhythms.” We all long for a simpler times before technology (aside from our above mentioned Insta-Face-Space-Tweeting cocaine-like additions). However, that’s not the reality of contemporary life. There’s just too much going on. You have two choices: A) structure yourself in order to maximize efficiency and productivity, or B) get swept away in the rushing current and end up missing something important due to something not-as-important. If the successful units are units who adhere to battle rhythm events, why not translate that into an individual’s events in order to focus my energies on all necessary activities?
    • Things that will be battle rhythm’d once I complete this entry:
      • Main Occupation (This will take up the preponderance of my time, especially considering that military life is not a life where you can just stroll though it if you’re going to be successful. The key is to fit my other personal battle rhythm events in AROUND the military battle rhythm, such as, writing during lunch and listening to audiobooks while moving from one end of post to the other for meetings.)
      • Writing (a writer has to write every day. I have to put it on a schedule, and I have to hold myself accountable to it everyday!)
      • Reading (as stated above, if a writer isn’t reading, they do not have the tools to write)
      • Working Out!
      • Family Time
      • Sleep (if you’re not recharging, you’re going to bog down!)
  6. Fitness!!!
    • I have fallen in love with fitness. Finally, after over 30 years! I’ve also fallen in love with tailoring my diet to increase my body’s productivity and maximize effort. Noticing a trend? I hope so. I still love food, though! Oh, man! I’m cajun to the bone and did not even attempt to resist cooking a gumbo last night. Nor did I resist the smores, spaghetti, candy, or any of those other things that have made my energy level lag today. I get it, we all need cheat days, but the point in this particular number is that fitness has become a wonderful, if not imperfect (due to my own inadequacies and failures), mode in which to boost my energy, brain function, feeling, and health! It is an amazing stress relief, and I physically and mentally do better when I’ve taken 1 to 2 hours per day to workout! This one will be categorized as a battle rhythm event, but it’s one that definitely needs to be adhered to.

All that being said, it’s time to execute! Have a wonderful week and Happy Monday!



Atrocities in the Name of Abstracts

In a contemporary world wrought with justification for human indignities in the name of abstractions, it is important that we remember where these actions have led us in the past… the not so distant past. Actions are still justified in the name of abstracts: religion, party, and country.

Socialism, communism, nationalism, protectionism….
Make America Great Again, sovereign nation, illegals, undesirables, deplorables, etc…. all terminology meant to strip people of their individuality, dignity, and humanity as a means to justify actions against them.

You’re not an XXX American, you’re just an American… until you aren’t.

The German Jews ceased to be German… they became the Jewish problem.

Over the course of 12 years Germany went from socially and culturally diverse to an abomination… anti-semetic based around the idea of a master race. 12 years of advancement in time unleashed a barbarity in the name of an abstract which reversed their humanity backwards by millennia.

This documentary was lost for 3 quarters of a century, shelved and forgotten due to a desire for european reunification following WWII.

I’ve watched many of Hitchcock’s films, but I would say this 1+ hour is the greatest and most powerful thing his name could be tied to.

American as Apple Pie

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”


We held certain truths to be self-evident
Until they became inconvenient.
All men were created equal
-save for our women, slaves, and endentured servants.
They fought for the rights and succeeded
in receiving what should have been rightful theirs.
The words went on paper,
Undetered by resistance.
Yet, we still struggle in the execution.
Our eyes are still tailored
to judge the color against society
Instead of respecting the color on the paper.
The blackness of skin against a white society
Yields hatred easier
Than adherence to the black against white paper.
The law is in the letters,
Yet we still see it in lowercase.
These rights are endowed by a creator
Unalienable in the world
Unless you cross the magic line.
Red rover, red rover,
Send your tired, weak and weary over.
Unless they’re undocumented,
then we have the right to build a wall.
Your inalienable rights cease
Where our staked claim ends.
We’ll strip you of your liberty,
Passing legislation counter to our declared principles;
We’ll make you a criminal.
Illegal will be your name.
Life will be subjective,
Rendered irrelevant by the
Erasure of God’s granted rights.
We’ll strip you of humanity.
Man, woman, child…
All erased.
Removed by Sam.
An alien you be,
Ground into the earth,
Forever beneath me.
What God has given,
Let no man take asunder-
Unless it’s your faithful Uncle,
Standing firmly before the flag.


The Endless Chase

How do I relieve your doubt?
Help you feel the love I feel?
Reciprocated passion
Desiring you ’till time ceases.
I risk my sanity
And give you all

Oh, me…
I’ve never been all in.
Always one step behind
Keeping a watchful eye
And still blindsided by deceit.

I forego it all for you.
I walk ahead
Sprinting to that place
You are my wanderlust
The end where it all begins
I forsake my sanity
And offer you all…
All of the world that I can give
And all of me.

How do I relieve your doubt?
Help you feel the love I give?
Swim with me to the depths.
Release your doubts.
Risk the world for love
And give me all

Oh, my…
Join me in unabashed release
No longer one step behind
Close your watchful eye
And be blindsided by deep, meaningful love.


Distant Dreams

Slumber subsides,

Giving way to thoughts of you.

Are they dream carryovers?

The continuation of a unconscious play

Fighting its way into the living world?

Who cares?

The show must go on.

I, sitting on a couch,

Hold you sitting on my lap,

Your legs thrown sideways

With your arms around my neck.

The fingers of my left hand

Glide up your leg

Past the opening of a flower print dress

To the dripping of a pedal.

I toy

As smiles and smirks pass,

And loving eyes gaze deeply into each other.

A lower lip quivers as heartbeats quicken.

My right hand disappears momentarily

Until a handful of hair intertwines fingers.

A sharp tug releases a moan

And fingers enter the stream.

Biting on your neck

I search for the artery

Feeling the blood pump with my tongue.

The show should go on,

But the time isn’t right.

The passion burns within

Pulsing around knuckles

And squeezed against the rings.

My ears long for the shrieks,

But children wander the halls

And neighbors are not home.

I want to hear you howl at the moon

Until the night gives way to day.

Fingers return to shore and my right hand moves

To the back of your neck.

You taste the sweet ocean

Until I pull you in to pass it on to me.

Your head moves to my shoulder

And the fire gives way to love.

My fingers interlock

Squeezing you close to my body.

Hearts beat rhythmically

In tune with the universe.

Smiles… genuine, deep, and sincere…

Rest upon our faces

As the desire sustains us

Until the screams can be released.

This show will go on,

And it shall never be matched.